white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
So many bounce houses so little time
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
