Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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