Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
