I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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