Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
The uberlube is also flammable
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
