Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
