I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
did you just send me my own nude
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
