he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
