tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
