i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
