Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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