He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
