I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
it's great music for shaving your balls
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
