All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
