the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize