I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Randomize
