i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
