He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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