I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
