..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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