Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
