his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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