If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
