i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
