don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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