dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
