stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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