you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
