so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize