For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
