matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
So much rum. So many feels.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
