The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Randomize
