So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
