Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
