Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
