I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
