he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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