just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
