He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
