im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
