is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
