we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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