does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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