Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I CAN MOONWALK!
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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