Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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