I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
