Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Randomize
