Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
His nipple licking is glorious
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