Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Sext me about skeletons
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
