Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Randomize
