lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
