What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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