just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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