I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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