Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
