i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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