found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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