So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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