So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
