Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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