So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
