all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
