I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
