brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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