Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
