Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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