i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I supernannyed him into submission
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
