Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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