its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
