Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
