went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
