if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
