hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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