She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
