dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize