I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Come on in and take your pants off
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
