To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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