Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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