So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
