tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
