is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
