my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
