mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
