who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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