he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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