I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
