We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
She even gives head with a lisp.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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