He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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